Frequently Asked Questions
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- About Matthias
- About Sessions
- About Amrita
- On Mokṣa
- Is Matthias your real name?
- 'Matthias' means 'Gift of God'. The gifting aspect of my service makes this an important and meaningful name for me. Many practitioners in this field take Indian names for their evocative connection to eastern spiritual and mystical teachings. As someone with a thoroughly western worldview, I sought a commonplace but meaningful name in the Hebrew or Biblical tradition.
- Why do you do this?
- Someone has to! — Seriously, as I undertook a process of discernment around a calling to sensual spirituality and healing touch, I discovered that while there were many women offering such services to men, there were very few men offering sensual touch to women. Among those that do, the offer within a safe and professional environment with a total commitment to healing and spiritual growth seems very rare.
- How do I know this is safe?
- I encourage all first time guests to start with a free consultation, meeting over a pot of tea. Tell me what needs or expectations you have as well as what boundaries you might want to maintain. I will tell you more about what I do. You will have an opportunity to ask any questions. And, obviously, at no point are you committed to anything.
- How much do you charge?
- Suggested donations vary by time and service, but please understand Dana
- Do you work with men?
- Yes. Although my experiences and sessions began through work with women, I now also offer experiential, healing, and coaching sessions to men.
- Who will you see?
- Anyone over the age of 18, not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, in sound mental health.
- What if, as a woman, I am curious-but-nervous?
- Short answer: Schedule a consultation.
Long answer: Perhaps you have never done anything like this before. It's an interesting double standard in our society that in any major metropolitan area there are hundreds — maybe thousands of women catering to every aspect of male sexuality, but only a handful of practitioners really devoted to women. Our culture has made it almost acceptable for men to visit prostitutes, sex workers, or sexological bodyworkers, while women's sexuality must be contained and touch kept completely clinical. This is sad. But it's also the culture we live in. Moreover, there is an enormous difference in levels of safety for a culture in which men are trained to be predators and women are trained to be prey. So, it is natural and perhaps even wise for you to be appropriately cautious!
Also consider: this is much safer than some alternatives, depending on what your motivations are. Does your relationship lack spark? This is far safer than taking a lover would be, both in terms of disease and in terms of the impact to your life. This is a healing, nurturing, constructive process. You may find hope for your relationship. You may find conviction or clarity around what you need to do to take care of yourself. But it is a safe and healing process. And finally: if this is really not you, don't do it! For some women this may not be the right time, for others I may not be the right person, and for some women perhaps this will never be the right experience. There may be other ways to bring the liberation of moksha into your life.
- What if I want sex?
- It is natural to feel desire for full sexual union once you begin to play with pleasure and arousal. But the healing and learning work that we do does not require sexual union, and that connection creates a number of additional challenges and complications.
These sessions will release some short term sexual tension, and will give you tools to make better use of your sexual energy. However, they will also boost your libido, increase your sexual energy overall, and they will attract sexual partners. I will not be one of those partners, however. This is the most important boundary for keeping this work safe for everyone: I will not have a romantic or sexual relationship with one of my clients.
- Can boundaries be changed?
- Never during a session!
As you can imagine, once you start feeling the bliss of perfect safety, you may open beyond what your normal level of caution might dictate, and so we never shift boundaries during a session.
Before a session, boundaries can be discussed and set. The boundaries that I start with at the beginning of a relationship can eventually be explored with advanced students and tantric practitioners, but the essential energetic boundaries are always firm: my service is that of healer and guide, daka and sacred intimate—not that of partner or lover.
- What was that amazing oil you used?
- I am constantly evolving my oil mix, and tailor each mix to the needs or goals of the session. I do have some favorites, however, so many blends will include oils such as frankincense, teak, jasmine, wisteria, ylang-ylang, black pepper, cardamom, orchid, sandalwood, vanilla, vetivert, amber, neroli, myrrh, and musk.
- What is Amrita?
- Amrita is the fluid released in the experience variously known as "female ejaculation," "squirting," or "gushing." The fluid itself is a liquid similar to amniotic fluid secreted via the para-urethral glands. Some studies in the 1980's erroneously concluded that the release of amrita is a form of incontinence. Although incontinence is a health problem that can affect anyone, it is patently obvious to anyone who has experienced the release of amrita that this is a totally different phenomenon. Amrita is generally a clear liquid with a faint and pleasant aroma — unmistakably different from urine.
- How does the release of Amrita work?
- We don't know all the details. During high states of arousal the vaginal walls expand and fill with fluid. This has the effect of narrowing the vaginal passage, making it softer and more adaptable to various sizes of penis. Under various circumstances including vaginal orgasm, strong vaginal contractions, or conscious control of the pubococcygeus muscle, this liquid can be released or expelled.
- I only release a little bit; on porn it looks like the woman is peeing.
- The volume released can vary widely by person and by occasion. Hopefully you already know not to measure your own sexual experience by what you see in porn, which is often faked or enhanced. That said, large volumes of forcefully expelled amrita can absolutely happen. Some relevant factors: how aroused are you? How much pleasure to you experience vaginally? Do you feel completely safe with your partner? The timing of the contractions and release of different muscles can make a difference. You may find a particular rhythm of response that releases more or less, as you desire. Are you dehydrated? The more dehydrated you are the more your body will retain fluid. If you want to maximize your release, you should stay steadily hydrated prior to your sexual activity, enough that are well and truly lubricated, but not so much that your bladder becomes uncomfortable over the course of the session. Always pee first so that you can be confident that the feeling you are experiencing is the need to release amrita and not a full bladder.
- Does it always happen with orgasm?
- No. In fact, that's unusual. It's one reason I do not like to use the term female ejaculation, as it implies a false equivalence to the male experience. (That said, male ejaculation does not always happen with orgasm, either.) In fact, most women experience the release of amrita during vaginal contractions leading up to orgasm. However, everyone is unique, and different people will have different experiences, both in general and from time to time. If this is something that interests you, I encourage you to play with it, both on your own and with a partner.
- What if I don't want to release amrita?
- The main reason not to release amrita is the potential mess. A voluminous release can really make a bed uncomfortable. As you liberate yourself to enjoy the experience, you may find it more difficult to stop the release not because you lack the physical control — as long as the nerves and musculature of your pelvic region are intact, you can control the release of amrita. Although you might not want to! It's a little like orgasm that way: sure you can prevent it, but why would you? If you have a partner who doesn't appreciate amrita, that can be another obstacle. Fortunately, you have full control over this experience, and with practice you can refine your control considerably.
- What is Moksha?
- Moksha is sanskrit for liberation. It is an essential teaching at the heart of tantra: the liberation from those cultural, societal, familial norms that have been programmed into our subconscious being. The freedom to live into our the full capabilities of what we are. Do you carry shame? Regret? Fear? A negative self-image? One of the deep intentions of this work is to bring freedom from all those limiting factors (and many more), and emergence into the full possibilities of a truly free being!
- What is spiritual sensuality?
- In some traditions, the body and the spirit are considered two almost unrelated aspects of human experience. Spritual sensuality rejects this, and seeks to unify mind, heart, spirit, and body through an experience of mindful attention to the physical senses. In particular, to pleasure. Spiritual sensuality uses sensual — even erotic — experience to expand and explore the full range of human spirituality.
- What religion is this?
- Personally, I am Christian, but I do not speak for any faith tradition, and spiritual sensuality is a practice, not a belief. It is like meditating: it is perfectly acceptable for any world-view — including atheism. Tantra is sometimes thought of as a spiritual practice, sometimes as a philosophy, sometimes as a body of wisdom, and sometimes a set of sexual and intimacy tools and techniques. All of that is true. It can have a lot of overlap with hindu mythologies and deity traditions, but it is not a religion in any traditional sense of that word.
- What if I'm not religious?
- No part of any session assumes you are interested in the spiritual aspect. Spiritual sensuality is what inspires me to this vocation, and you are the lucky recipient! I do not ask you to believe anything, and I do not promote any faith practice or worldview.